Six degrees of Alan Spaulding

How many times can a company touch your life in a day? Look around your house and take an inventory of your consumables.

Wake up in the morning and brush your teeth: Oral-B CrossAction toothbrush, Crest Toothpaste, Glide Floss, and rinse with some Scope. Whitestrips, anyone? Or, are those not your teeth? Maybe you Fixodent and forget it.

Shaving time: The Braun Series 7 is a good choice if you’re going electric, but if you’re going to shave in the shower you might just stick with a Gillette. I have a Gillette Mach3 Power, which conveniently came with Duracell batteries. We’ll save the Old Spice for after the shower.

Speaking of showers: You can go with the Olay body wash, or just a regular bar of soap, like Ivory or Zest. Hopefully you don’t need Head & Shoulders, so you can go with Herbal Essences for the hair. If two steps is too much work Pantene puts the shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle.

You might need to use a different shampoo if you’ve colored your hair with Clairol – I’m not sure. Then again, if you’re using Clairol you might also be using Secret, CoverGirl, Max Factor, Always, Tampax, and Clearblue Easy.

That should wrap it up for the bathroom. Oh wait, one more thing – don’t squeeze the Charmin. And somewhere in this bathroom surely there’s a box of Puffs, although I hope it’s not the kind with lotion. They’re like pre-used tissues. And as if that’s not weird enough, you can get Puffs with Vicks, too!

If there’s a baby in the house you’ve probably already changed the Pampers or Luvs by now. And while we’re taking care of little creatures, Eukanuba makes 48 different kinds of dog food, and Iams makes 42 varieties of cat food.

Before we head to the kitchen we’ll start a load of laundry: I always buy Tide, but as near as I can tell it’s all the same thing – Cheer, Era, Gain… Well, maybe except for Dreft. I add some Downy with Febreze except when I’m washing towels. The Febreze is especially important when washing gis. In the dryer I add a sheet of Bounce, but have no idea why. It’s just part of the process.

Forgot to do the dishes last night. Just like the laundry detergent, I think Dawn and Joy are pretty much the same thing. Cascade Complete goes in the machine. Use the PUR filter to get the water you’ll need for your Fibersure or Metamucil. Now just wipe the counters down with some Mr. Clean and Bounty paper towels, and maybe hit the floors with the Swiffer real quick.

Finally, breakfast time! If you turn the TV on and see As the World Turns or Guiding Light, you may have taken too much NyQuil and overslept. Better just grab some Sour Cream and Onion Pringles and hit the road. Then again, if that’s your breakfast maybe you should grab some Pepto-Bismol and Prilosec, too.

Whew! That’s enough with the inventory for now. Counting up the products we’ve encountered so far, that’s 53 by my count.

So now the question is, how many companies make those 53 brands? Of course, people who know me or read this blog already know the answer – one. How many times can a company touch a person’s life? By their own count, Procter & Gamble says 3 billion per day.

Leave a Reply